YRWRNG
August 11th, 2010
June 2nd, 2010
February 24th, 2010
February 1st, 2010
December 16th, 2009
Click here for all the blog entries.
SPORTS PREDICTIONS 2010-2011
Arkansas Razorbacks Football team - National Champs
Heisman trophy - Ryan Mallet
Jets - Super Bowl champs
Nets - will make playoffs
I have the best musical taste in the world so...
Best Songs of the Month
(many songs are new, but some are just new to me)
February
1. Marah "Walt Whitman Bridge"
2. The Avett Brothers "The Ballad of Love & Hate"
3. Jon Snodgrass "Thru The Fan"
4. The Low Anthem "To Ohio"
5. Sundowner "My Boatless Booze Cruise"
March
1. Drive-By Truckers "Perfect Timing"
2. David Bazan "Harmless Sparks"
3. Built to Spill "Life's A Dream"
4. The Band Perry "If I Die Young"
5. Justin Townes Earle "Someday I'll Be Forgiven For This"
April
1. The Mountain Goats "1 John 4:16"
2. Eels "A Line in the Dirt"
3. Richard Fountaine "Maybe We Were Both Born Blue"
4. Slobberbone "Dark As A Dungeon"
5. Greg Gaffin "Don't be Afraid to Run"
May
1. The Hold Steady "The Weekenders"
2. The Gaslight Anthem "1930"
3. The Weakerthans "Night Windows (live)"
4. One Trick Pony "Loose Talk"
5. Kottonmouth Kings "Lucky Day"
Tweet me if I missed anything...but how could I? I have the best musical taste in the universe.
Matt Besser on Twitter
You can get Wild Girls Gone on iTunes now! Just word search Upright Citizens Brigade. If you like it please give us a good review. If you don't like it, also please give us a good review.
I have the best musical taste in the world so...
Best Songs of the Month
(many songs are new, but some are just new to me)
January
1. NOFX - Straight Out of Massachusetts
2. The Mountain Goats - Genesis 30:3
3. Modest Mouse - The Whale Song
4. Vic Chesnutt - Phil the Fiddler
5. Hallelujah the Hills - Blank Passports
BEST NEW TV SHOW: Caprica - I think might end up liking it more than BSG. Support this show if you like near future sci-fi.
WORLD COMEDY CHAMPION
These are records that I have set or broken in my defense of the World Comedy Champion title.
Most Jokes Told In 1 Minute - 14
Most Characters In 5 Minutes - 17
Fastest Joke - 2.5 seconds
World's Loudest Joke - 141 decibels
World's Tallest Joke - 16.4 feet
World’s Oldest Joke - caveman fart joke
Most Michael Vick Jokes - 20
Most Lumberjack Jokes - 17
Most Pothead Jokes - 14
If you have any suggestions for other records then please twitter me.
Matt Besser twitter
*I prefer records that can be measured, so they need to be objective not subjective. World's Funniest Joke is subjective. World's Longest Joke is objective.
Pothead Jokes
Why did the pothead cross the road? Cops.
Why do potheads like Jesus? He got stoned.
How many potheads does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, we’re trying to keep it mellow in here.
What’s pothead’s favorite element? Potassium
Who is the pothead’s favorite Confederate general? Stonedwall Jackson
What’s the pothead’s favorite level of education? High school
What do potheads and arthritis have in common? They both flame up joints.
What do the two potheads and the contortionist have in common? They’re double jointed.
Who is the Potheads’ favorite astronaut? Buzz Aldrin
What do potheads and potatoes have in common? They both start with pot, and end up getting baked.
What’s a pothead’s favorite food? Chicken pot pie; pot stickers; stew (that’s cooked in a pot)
What do you call a pothead basketball team? High five
What did the Pothead say to Humphrey Bogart when he was hogging all the weed? Don’t be you that joint.
Knock knock. Who’s there? Pothead. Pothead who? What-who me?
LUMBERJACK JOKES
What is the patriotic misogynist lumberjack's favorite tree? He loves his cunt-tree.
What’s the lumberjacks’ favorite cult? Branch Davidians
How did the African American lumber jack deliver his question? He just axed it.
What comedians do lumberjacks like the most? All the hacks.
What’s the lumberjack’s favorite tv show? One Tree Hill
What did the Sir Mix A Lot lumberjack use to write with? A big aspen.
Why did the lumberjack break up with his girlfriend? She was acting like a beech.
What do lumberjacks call literate trees? Well redwoods
How did the entrepreneurial lumberjack try to expand his business? He branched out.
What do you call a group of lumberjack terrorists? A splinter splinter cell.
What superstitious emails do lumberjacks send? Chainsaw letters.
What foot disease do lumberjacks get? Paul bunions
What is the Jamaican lumberjack’s favorite tree? Dreadwood
What is the most popular lumberjack Broadway musical? STUMP
How did the lumberjack get splinters on his tongue? Eating out pussy willow.
What part of Matt Besser's show did the lumberjack like the most? He liked everything he saw.
What’s the lumberjacks’ favorite band? Styx or Screaming Trees, they hate Bush.
BEST LUMBERJACK FILMS 2009: The Lumberjack’s Wife; Taking Wood; Harry Cutter & the Hacksaw Prince; Star Tree; Underbrush: Rise of the Wisteria; Magnolias vs. Alders; Confessions of a Shadbush; I Love You, Beth Cottonwood; Taking of Pelham 1 2 Tree; Funny Poplars; Saw VI
MICHAEL VICK JOKES
Who let the dogs out? Not Michael Vick, he killed them instead.
What’s the difference between Michael Vick and Hurricane Katrina? Hurricane Katrina drowned dogs accidentally.
With Michael Vick on the Eagles they will no longer look dogged on offense. Because Vick will kill all the doggeds.
What’s the difference between Chicago and pitbulls? Michael Vick’s never beaten Chicago.
What are Michael Vick’s favorite kind of shoes? Snuff puppies
Nike's new slogan with Michael Vick: "Just Dog It"
What does Michael Vick call 500 dead pitbulls buried in his backyard? A good start!
At Michael Vick’s kennel, what did the drowned pitbull say to the hanged pitbull? This place is ruff.
What’s black and white and red all over? One of Michael Vick’s black and white pitbulls after a fight.
How many Michael Vick’s does it take to screw a pitbull into a light bulb socket? One.
What do a bad QB and Vick’s pitbulls’ teeth have in common? They both got pulled after a loss.
What do the Atlanta Falcons and pitbulls have in common? Michael Vick left both of them hanging.
Why does Michael Vick the lumberjack love to cut dogwood trees? He hates its bark.
Why did the dog cross the road? Because Michael Vick was pulling him by a chain tied to a pickup’s axle.
What’s the difference between Michael Vick and a mountain lion? The mountain lion only kills dogs for food.
Michael Vick will do great in the Eagles' wild cat offense, coming fresh off his tortured dog offense.
Old Sayings by Michael Vick:
You can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but you can pull out all its teeth and torture it.
Let sleeping dogs lie, and then bury them alive if they lose their fight.
If you lay down with dog, you wake up with fleas, and Michael Vick might accidentally club you during the night.
It’s raining cats and dogs…or that’s Michael Vick’s apartment up there.
**Don't think that I don't like Vick because I wrote all these jokes. I’d sure hate it if I made one mistake, by killing and torturing hundreds of dogs over six years, and nobody gave me a second chance.
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